


there are storms we cannot weather

by jellyfishes



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: F/M, Genderbend, Genderswap, M/M, Self Harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-07
Updated: 2012-10-07
Packaged: 2017-11-15 19:29:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,477
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/530877
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyfishes/pseuds/jellyfishes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>---Liam rests her head on one hand and attempts to drink orange juice while Niall and Louis commentate his cooking and Liam tries to tune it out and listen to Harry, who she can hear is singing in the shower at the end of the hall and when he finally comes into the kitchen, only a towel slung around his hips, she tries not to let her breath catch as he hits the final raspy notes of Your Eyes from Rent.---</p><p> </p><p>  <i>Musical Theatre AU in which Liam watches Harry and Niall while Zayn watches Louis and wishes that someone would watch her back.</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	there are storms we cannot weather

Liam is leaning into the fridge, trying to weigh up the pros and cons of apple juice versus orange juice before she gets too cold in the cotton shorts she wore to bed. Goosebumps have risen on her skin by the time she pulls the orange juice out of the fridge and slams it with a clatter of the bottles on the inside of the door.

“Good choice,” Zayn says from behind her and he’s leaning against the doorway in just a pair of baggy pyjama pants that are only just clinging to his skinny hips. He’s half in the darkness of the hallway because it’s early – too early for birds. “Less calories.”

Liam rolls her eyes because she’s never met a guy so invested in counting calories but all the girls at the college who study dance full time like Zayn are exactly the same and it’s really only Louis who’s the exception, but he’s pretty much the exception in every situation.

“Doesn’t sound like my kind of thing then,” Niall says, pushing past Zayn into the kitchen and grabbing a carton of milk out of the fridge. She pops the cap off and guzzles straight from the bottle. Zayn looks away with a grimace and Liam rolls her eyes because Niall is such a slob she literally can’t believe it.

“I can’t believe you – ” she starts, but breaks off when Louis careens into the kitchen, knocking past Zayn on the way and grinning back at him.

“Good morning ladies and gentlemen!” he cries and Liam slides into the seat she’s adopted at the flaky linoleum table that looks like it’s straight out of the fifties. “I’m on breakfast duty and it’s eggs a la the Tommo so get ready for the meal of a lifetime!”

Zayn shakes his head and grabs an apple instead while Niall scrambles for a seat at the table and starts banging the cutlery in a war cry and Liam takes a moment to wonder how the hell she ended up with this as her life.

“You’re the most ridiculous person I’ve ever met,” Liam says to Niall across the table and Niall pouts and sticks her hands on her hips and turns away in a huff and Liam can’t help but smile at how theatrical Niall is, it’s honestly no wonder that she wants to be an actress.

Liam rests her head on one hand and attempts to drink orange juice while Niall and Louis commentate his cooking and Liam tries to tune it out and listen to Harry, who she can hear is singing in the shower at the end of the hall and when he finally comes into the kitchen, only a towel slung around his hips, she tries not to let her breath catch as he hits the final raspy notes of _Your Eyes_ from Rent.

Louis bursts into applause and shoves a piece of toast into Harry’s mouth with a laugh as Harry bows dramatically and Niall laughs long and hard. Liam smiles affectionately as she watches over the scene and if she blushes a little bit when Harry winks at her before sitting down next to Niall, that’s not really her fault because Harry winking is enough to make _any_ girl blush.

Because Harry is the kind of guy who just makes a girl blush. He sits quietly in the corner and he doesn’t really say all that much but then he opens his mouth and _sings_ and it’s enough to make anyone shut up, even Louis who is so fond of the sound of his own voice that he talks in his sleep. It’s good for him because it means he gets the only room on the top floor of the house and pretty much his own bathroom, but it’s fucking annoying.

Zayn’s quiet too, but not like Harry. He’s quiet and secluded and speaks through his dance when the muscles in his thighs are quivering with tension and the veins in his neck are bulging at the effort it takes to stop his face from crumpling in pain produced by his point shoes. And Niall is the opposite, theatrical and dramatic and all over the place, completely out of her mind happy one moment and then curled up in the shower sobbing into Liam’s sopping t shirt the next.

Liam isn’t really sure where she fits into the scheme of things. She’s the lanky awkward one who doesn’t have a quirk. They really shouldn’t work together, but somehow the just…do.

\---

“So, what do you say?” Harry says, catching Liam’s elbow as the two of them make their way across the courtyard at college to where Zayn, Louis and Danielle are practising plies against the back of a bench that Niall is lying on, an arm strewn across her eyes as she tries to rest. Liam and Harry’s vocal class was running late and their break is cut short.

“What?” Liam asks, turning to look at Harry because she wasn’t listening to him before, trying to decide if she could get away with a packet of chips for lunch of if their dance teacher would notice that she hadn’t stuck to the normal piece of fruit. Liam’s not like Niall. She can’t eat whatever she wants and get away with it.

“The duet,” Harry says, smiling softly at her. “Are we going to pair up or what?”

Their vocal coach Michelle had set the assignment earlier in the class and it’s the first group assignment of the year. So, their first group assignment ever really and Liam thinks it’s nice that Harry thought of her straight away, wonders if he considered anyone else before falling back on Liam because she’s too nice to turn him down…not that she would because Harry’s voice is heaven to listen to and they _do_ work well together. Singing together while washing the dishes for the past two months living together has taught her that.

“Yeah, of course you twat,” she says and he grins, his shoulders relaxing as he gives her arm a squeeze.

“That’s great, Li!” he says excitedly and practically bounds up the steps towards the others. “What song do you want to do? We can load up the database on the laptop when we get home and pick one, yeah?”

Liam smiles at how excited he is, it’s pretty endearing really and Niall sits up where she’s lying down on the bench. “What are we picking?” she asks and Harry flops down onto the bench next to her.

“Our duet,” Harry says, biting into a sandwich while Liam pulls out her apple and sprawls onto the grass in front of the two of them in a pile of limbs.

Niall pouts and leans into Harry’s side, taking a bite of his sandwich which Harry just hands over, grabbing a second sandwich that he has packed in his bag and Liam laughs. He grins at her again and stretches his feet out to rest on top of Liam’s where she’s lying, trying not to choke on her apple while Zayn counts the plies slowly and steadily.

\---

Zayn is stretching on the worn woollen rug in the lounge when Louis comes bursting in with Niall on his back, the two of their loud voices screeching over the sound of the gentle classical he has playing from his iPod.

“No, I swear to God, Professor Greenwall told Lucinda she’ll never make it in the industry with a nose her size!” Niall is exclaiming and she looks far too overjoyed at this fact.

“You’re such a bitch Ni!” Louis laughs, a look of complete glee settling onto his face. “It’s fucking brilliant!” Zayn sighs and turns his foot out, watching the long muscles in his legs ripple under his skin while he listens to Niall and Louis recounting stories of their days. He tries not to roll his eyes when Louis exaggerates the stories from their dance classes, but Louis has always breathed to entertain people and he especially loves swapping anecdotes with Niall, the two of them bonding immediately and dangerously when they ran into each other in reception on their first day at Madame La Perode’s College. It was the two of them who rounded up the rest and had the grand idea of renting a share house together.

Niall and Louis are dangerous when they’re operating together because they’re both so loud and in your face and Zayn doesn’t know how to deal with it most of the time. Usually dancers are the quiet ones, the ones who sit down and shut up and keep to themselves and that’s what he’s been surrounded by most of his life. Which is why Louis is such a surprise. Louis is like a hurricane that sweeps through a room and leaves everyone rattled without knowing how it happened. And Louis is around Zayn a lot, so he’s pretty much rattled all the time, his heart beating extra fast in his chest and his palms a little sweaty. He wonders if everyone gets it or if it’s just him, but Louis is really fucking beautiful.

“So, I was talking to Jeremy in MT,” Louis says to no one in particular and Zayn reminds himself that Louis has started to referring to Musical Theatre as MT to save a few syllables. “And he reckons the five of us should host a party considering there’s five of us and we have a house rather than a couple of dorm rooms.”

Zayn lifts his gaze from his feet and looks up at Louis who is smiling down at him like he’s the greatest person alive and for a second, Zayn feels like he might be. “Who would we even invite?” he asks and Louis grins devilishly.

“Everyone.”

\---

Liam’s shirt is sticking to her body a little bit and there are a lot of people in their kitchen, like, wow, she doesn’t think there’s been this many people in this tiny kitchen ever. She finally makes her way to the sink and grabs a plastic cup from the stack next to her, filling it up with water and downing it quickly. A body presses her forwards and her hip bones knock against the counter, the perfect level to cause a bit of pain when they make contact.

“Liam!” She turns around and there is Harry, pushing his way through the sea of bodies that seem to part for him and she doesn’t know how he does it because when she was trying to move it was almost impossible. He gets to her and he’s grinning. His hair is sticking to his forehead a little bit and his cheeks are flushed and he looks absolutely glorious as he brandishes a cup in her direction. “I got you a drink,” he says, smiling happily as though he’s just pulled her the biggest favour so she smiles and takes it, sips at it gently before he tilts the cup towards her again, holding it in place until she drains it.

“You’re an asshole,” she says, but she’s laughing and Harry laughs too, drains his own drink and smacks his lips together in satisfaction.

“You are so not drunk enough and I am far too drunk,” he says and he reaches for her hand to pull her back through the crowd towards the table of drinks. “You need another.” His fingers are all sticky, but she doesn’t let go, lets him lead her through the throng of people and mix her a drink, placing it in her hand for her. She looks around at the party, sees Zayn on the couch next to Louis, who is being all grabby in a way he only does when he’s fucked off his face and Zayn is blushing a lot.

Niall is nowhere to be seen until she appears next to them. “Hey,” she says, as flushed as Harry, her hair all messy and her eye makeup a little smudged around the edges. “Li, we need more food around the place.” Liam nods because if there’s one thing she can do at a party, it’s look after people.

“You don’t have to – ” Harry starts to say but Niall cuts him off.

“You want to, right Liam?” she asks and Liam nods because it’s totally fine, she doesn’t mind, really. “Besides,” Niall says, “I want to dance with you Styles.” And that, Liam minds.

Harry doesn’t seem to see the difference though and shrugs, letting Niall pull him through the crowd to where everyone is dancing and Liam watches him go without looking back once.

When Liam finds her way back towards the throng of dancing people she can’t see Zayn and Louis anywhere, but she can definitely see Niall and Harry. The two of them are dancing with each other, hips connected as well as they can be through about four layers of clothing. Niall’s hands are in Harry’s hair and his fingers are clutching at her waist as he moves her to the thrum of the bass. Niall sees Liam looking at them and she grins, because nothing is wrong but Liam still feels a pang that she shouldn’t because Harry isn’t hers and pretty much every single girl in the room has a crush on Harry Styles, so why should she be the special one?

She blinks and when she opens her eyes, there’s a new drink in her hand that she doesn’t remember picking up, Niall’s lips are attached to Harry’s, their hands lost in each other’s hair as they make out heavily, drunkenly on the dancefloor.

“Shitting _fuck_ ,” Liam swears, which is a rarity for her and pushes her way out of the room and down the hall because all she wants in that moment is to lie down on her bed and sleep for days. She slams open the door to her room and almost screams when she sees two people kissing on top of the covers until one of them latches his lips onto the other’s neck, causing him to tilt his head back and – “Zayn?” Liam asks and the two snap apart. “ _Louis?!_ ”

“Shit,” Louis mumbles, scrambling backwards on the bed and Liam doesn’t even bother to understand what the fuck is going on because she was always pretty sure that Louis was straight but that’s really not what she’s worried about.

“Could you have not stumbled three more steps to your room?” she asks, directing the question at Zayn who shrugs sheepishly, running his fingers over the bruises that Louis has sucked into his neck and Louis turns and looks at him, seems to consider him for about a second before muttering “Fuck,” and pushing past Liam into the hall.

Liam’s eyes widen and she looks at Zayn who looks absolutely fucking crushed, like nothing could have been worse than what just happened. “Sorry,” he croaks and his voice is half wrecked from lust, even Liam can tell that, but the other half sounds completely shattered as he gets up to leave and Liam sighs.

“Don’t even think about it,” she says, pulling Zayn down onto the bed. “I need a cuddle anyway.”

\---

Liam doesn’t have a bad day very often, but when she does, it hits her like a brick and she can barely bring herself to get out of bed. She wakes up cuddled up next to Zayn and she feels her femininity diminish when she realises she’s the one wrapped around _him_. Then again, Zayn’s never been the most masculine person and she figures if anyone is going to leave it alone, it’ll be him.

“Skedaddle Malik,” Niall orders, bouncing into the room and crawling up the bed to slide in between the two of them. Liam groans because she’s not in the mood and she can already tell Niall is going to be annoyingly chirpy.

“How are you not hungover?” Liam asks and Niall snorts.

“I wasn’t _that_ drunk!” she exclaims and rolls her eyes when Liam raises an eyebrow. “Whatever,” she says. “I’m Irish.”

Liam laughs and rolls over to face Niall. “So,” she says and Niall smiles wide.

“Harry fucked me last night,” she sing songs and Liam knew it was coming but the information still feels like a punch in the stomach as she plasters a smile on her face.

“That’s – ”

“I know we’re not _that_ close yet or whatever, but we should be because we’re the girls so we have to stick together and so we should talk about this kind of thing like all the fantastic sex we’re having.”

“Speak for yourself,” Liam says with a laugh and Niall smiles again. She really _does_ look gorgeous when she smiles and Liam can see the appeal, why Harry would be drawn to someone like Niall because despite the fact that she’s fucking crazy seventy percent of the time, she’s like this energy force that wraps around you and makes you laugh whenever she does. Her whole personality is infectious. It can be bad on day’s when she’s acting like a psycho bitch because it makes everyone on edge. And it happens a lot more than it should.

“We can get you sex Li,” she says cheerfully, before she delves into a detailed description of the curves of Harry’s body that Liam really wanted to learn for herself, not through someone else telling her.

Liam’s pretty strung out by the time Niall has finished speaking and the two of them just lie there on her bed for a minute, listening to the sound of Louis yelling at everyone who stayed over to get the fuck out of the house or stay and help him clean up.

 

“We shouldn’t have any more parties,” Liam says and Niall laughs, turning over to face her.

“Parties are good,” she says, grinning. “I like dancing. Should have been a dancer.”

“You don’t want that,” says Liam. “They don’t let you eat.”

Niall frowns. “Louis eats.”

“Louis is also a fucking fantastic dancer who can get away with anything he wants because they can’t afford to let him go. I’m pretty sure Madame Penete told him he was destined for fame when he auditioned.”

“Where’d you hear that?!” Niall squawks because Madame P as she’s been nicknamed in their house is the head of the arts college the five of them attend and it’s pretty much a huge deal.

“Zayn told me,” Liam shrugs. “Though Louis didn’t tell him. It’s a rumour going around their ballet class or something, I don’t know.”

“I call bullshit,” Niall offers and Liam sighs because Niall likes being the best and she’d probably go mad if Louis had one up on her.

Liam lifts her head at the sound of a knock on the door and Harry is leaning in the doorway smiling softly at the two of them. “Are you two going to come help clean up or are you planning on swanning about in bed all day?” he asks, his lips curling up into a grin and Liam feels it right in her heart.

Niall bounces off the bed and bumps past Harry, smacking him on the arse as she passes him. “Can think of better things I could be doing in bed,” she calls out and Harry laughs, shaking his head.

“You guys are cute,” Liam says and she tries to smile through the sentence, but it doesn’t really work and the words are a little sharp around the edges.

“Uh,” Harry says and Liam pulls off the dress she was wearing last night that she fell asleep in, chucking on a t shirt and a pair of running shorts. Liam turns around and he’s blushing and she rolls her eyes.

“Perve.” Harry laughs and shrugs like he can’t be fucked denying it and Liam hates it how he manages to do that and get away with it. “Don’t let Niall know you’ve been watching me get changed,” she says and he bites his lip.

“Liam,” he says and it all gets a bit serious, but Liam _really_ doesn’t want to talk about it, so she slips past him out of the room and flicks a grin over her shoulder in his direction. He smiles a bit in return, but it’s not really that impressive.

\---

“Niall’s text,” Harry says when his phone pings as the two of them are walking home together. The Musical Theatre kids have late class on Wednesdays and she and Harry usually get home to dinner having already been cooked.

“Mm?” she hums and he sighs.

“She wants us to pick up paprika on the way home.”

“We already passed the shop,” Liam says. “What even _is_ paprika?”

Harry laughs and slings an arm around Liam’s shoulder, swivelling her around to head back towards the shop. It’ll add another five minutes onto their walk, but as long as Harry keeps his arm around her, Liam can’t really bring herself to care. “It’ll take a sec, Li,” he says. “And paprika’s a spice.”

Harry hums as they walk and it sounds like something that could be out of Moulin Rouge or maybe Les Mis and Liam can’t really pick it. “What’s that?” she asks and he shrugs.

“Nothing in particular,” he mumbles, lifting his arm from around her shoulders and ruffles her hair before holding open the door to the supermarket for her. Liam rolls her eyes and shoves him out the way, picking up a basket and heading towards the aisle where they keep the bread.

“Paprika’s the other way my dear Liam,” Harry teases, catching her arm and pulling her in the other direction.

She shakes him off and laughs. “We need other stuff too. You’re so unaware, it’s literally ridiculous.”

Harry pouts and follows her to the other end of the supermarket, reaching for the bread on the top shelf that’s on sale that Liam can’t quite reach. “Oh, to be short,” he teases and Liam smacks him on the arm, dragging him around the store until the basket is full and she’s satisfied.

“Who knew I’d be becoming a mother when I moved to London to pursue my dreams,” she says as she pulls out her wallet and Harry smiles.

“Don’t know if I want to think of you as my mother,” he says and Liam tries not to read too far into it because sometimes Harry says things that just _don’t_ make sense.

When they get home, Niall is singing in the kitchen and she sounds ridiculous, but it makes Liam smile anyway. Harry grins at Liam and takes the second bag of shopping from her to join Niall in the kitchen. She can hear his low murmuring through the wall and Niall’s loud laughter in return. She sighs and makes her way into the lounge where Louis and Zayn are watching the telly. They’re sitting on opposite ends of the couch and Louis is silent which is weird for Louis, but there’s obviously something fucked going on between the two of them and Liam wouldn’t usually get involved, but she feels like she owes it to Zayn just because he’s looked so sad for the past two days. So she flops down in between the two of them and tucks her legs up underneath herself and leans into Zayn.

“You okay?” she whispers and Louis could probably hear her if he were tyring to listen, but Liam suspects that he’s trying really hard to _not_ listen.

“Mm,” Zayn mumbles in return and Liam looks at him. He shrugs. “’M fine Li,” he mutters and she reaches for his hand, wrapping her fingers around his.

“If you ever want to talk – ”

“I know,” he says. “Not right now, okay?” and he stands up and makes his way towards the door.

“I’ll call you for dinner,” Liam says and he shakes his head.

“Don’t bother.”

Liam groans, letting her head fall back on the couch before turning to glare at Louis who glares right back. “Seriously Liam, don’t you dare say anything,” he hisses and she is pretty mad at Louis because he’s obviously being a dick about the whole situation.

“I get it Lou,” she says. “You were drunk. Lack of inhibitions and all that.” He nods. “But look at Zayn. He clearly doesn’t share the opinion.”

“I’m not gay,” Louis says and Liam rolls her eyes.

“As if I give a fuck,” she says. “You don’t have to explain yourself to me. But you do have to explain yourself to Zayn who is obviously upset.”

“I don’t want him to get the wrong idea!” Louis wails and Liam honestly can’t believe how stupid Louis is being because it’s not like Zayn is going to launch himself at Louis. He’s too shy to ever be able to make a move on someone. Especially someone like Louis who he is so obviously keen on.

“Shut up Louis,” she says and he looks sheepish for a minute as she chastises him. “Zayn is not going to infect you with homosexuality, so just _talk_ to him.”

She stands up from the couch and makes her way into her room. As she passes the kitchen she can see Harry pushing Niall up against the counter with his lips on her neck and she rolls her eyes as the scene punches her in the gut. “Don’t let the dinner burn,” she snaps and she’s gone before she sees Harry’s head jerk up and a blush jump to his cheeks while Niall giggles.

\---

“My name is Harry Styles – ”

“And I’m Liam Payne – ”

“And we’ll be singing _Come What May_ from the musical Moulin Rouge for our duet performance today.”

“We hope you enjoy it.”

There’s a small smattering of applause from the rest of their class, but a lot of them are looking at Liam in jealousy because she’s performing with the gorgeous guy with the beautifully raspy voice. It’s especially shit because Liam is the awkward girl in the class who isn’t really that good at making friends, the one who never dresses up for college and ends up with her hair in a bun everyday and a pair of jeans, but somehow ended up best mates with the one everyone wants to be friends with.

Harry’s singing and Liam is trying not to get lost in his voice because she needs to remember to sing in a minute, but it catches so perfectly over the high notes and becomes all _full_ when he starts belting the chorus and the corner of her mouth lifts slightly when he smiles at her through the words.

Harry winks at her when she starts singing and he’s got this bloody look on his face like she’s amazing and Liam hates it when he looks at her like that because it makes her so angry that he’s fucking Niall every night and holding her hand when he walks her to class.

They finish on a harmony and Harry swoops down and kisses her on the cheek and whispers “Perfect as always Liam,” and it makes Liam’s stomach swoop as the two of them take a bow to the second round of applause for the afternoon, this one a bit more enthusiastic than the last. Michelle, their teacher is grinning at the two of them and Harry takes Liam’s hand to help her down off the stage.

“How’d it go?” Zayn asks when he and Louis fall into step beside the two of them after class. Niall has a late rehearsal so the four of them are going home to get dinner ready. Liam smiles at Zayn who grins back tentatively. Things between him and Louis have been better, but they’ve certainly been worse. They’re talking now and managing to walk together between classes. Liam doesn’t think Louis has spoken to Zayn yet, which makes it all a lot worse.

“Liam smashed it,” Harry says and Liam blushes, poking Harry in the ribs.

“You weren’t so bad yourself rock star,” she replies and Harry smirks, shying away from her fingers because he’s always been incredibly ticklish.

“Stop, you’re such a shit Liam!” he cries and retaliates, digging his fingers into Liam’s waist and wiggling them against her shirt.

“Quit the flirting, you’re both idiots,” Louis says and Liam blushes while Harry laughs and pulls Louis into a headlock, which has Louis sprinting off down the street with Harry hot in pursuit.

“They’re idiots,” Zayn says and Liam sighs, nodding. “Too bad we’re both fucking gone for them.”

Liam’s eyes widen and she flings her head around to look at Zayn with wide eyes. “No, I – I’m not – ”

Zayn cuts her off with a laugh and a one armed hug that is all pointy bones and not at all comfortable. “It’s fine Liam,” he says. “It’s cool with the whole Niall thing. I get it. Must be hard.”

Liam nods and links her fingers with Zayn’s, swinging their arms between each other as they follow Harry and Louis home.

\---

Zayn is dancing. The muscles in his torso are stretched tight as his legs quiver in exertion. He’s hurting all over, but it’s mostly because he’s been at it for hours and he hasn’t eaten since the banana he had for breakfast. The music swells and Zayn feels a drop of sweat trickle down between his shoulder blades and she shudders, listening to the build of electric violin. He works himself up to a triple pirouette, squaring his shoulders and preparing for the turn and leaps.

“Fuck!” he yells, picking himself up and pulling his knees towards his chest. The thing about pirouettes is that if you fuck them up, you fuck them up so much that there’s no coming back from it and you end up on your arse. They’re either perfect or not at all.

“Hey,” says a quiet voice behind him and Zayn spins around and there’s Louis. There’s a sunbeam falling across his face from one of the high windows on the far side of the room and he looks so stunning that Zayn can’t say anything for a second. He’s never that good at saying things though, so it doesn’t really matter. It’s more so worrying that Louis is being so quiet because usually he’s the one filling the silences.

“Hi,” Zayn says, reaching for the remote and flicking off the music that’s started to play again. “What – I mean…what’s up?”

Louis smiles and moves out of the doorway, scrambling onto the floor and moving towards Zayn slowly. Zayn can’t really look at him without needing to cry from wanting him so much, so he turns his attention towards his feet, pulling strapping out of his bag and starting to wrap it around his ankle.

“Did you hurt yourself?” Louis asks, finally stopping in front of Zayn and gesturing to the strapping.

“It’s nothing,” Zayn mumbles. “Just worked too hard I guess.”

Louis chuckles and swats Zayn’s fingers away, taking the strapping himself and lifting Zayn’s foot to rest on his knee. “Let me,” he says gently, his thumb brushing over Zayn’s ankle as he wraps it around Zayn’s foot.

Zayn sits back on his hands, watching the way Louis bites his lip while he concentrates, nibbling slightly on the ragged skin there. Louis bites his lip a lot and it means that his lips are chapped, they scraped against Zayn’s when they kissed a few weeks ago and then they went silent whenever Zayn walked in the room. It’s still like that a bit, and Zayn doesn’t really know how to fix it.

He winces a bit when Louis stretches his foot a little far and Louis stops and looks at him, his eyes clouding with worry. “Sorry,” he says and Zayn nods because he’s pretty sure that’s as much of an apology as he’s ever going to get from Louis and it’s practically nothing but Louis is pretty shit at being serious.

“It’s okay,” Zayn says. And it really, really isn’t.

\---

Niall is having one of her bad days and she won’t let anyone in her room and just stays in there wailing. Harry was sitting against her door for a good half hour before he gave up, pushed past Liam in the hall muttering something about needing to get out of the fucking house before he went crazy.

Liam sighs and knocks on Niall’s door.

“Fuck of Harry!”

“It’s Liam you dick,” she yells back and rolls her eyes when the lock clicks. “Seriously Niall, what?”

Niall slumps her shoulders and falls back onto her bed. Niall has the smallest room in the house and her bed pretty much takes up the whole of it. Liam flops down onto the bed with her, wriggling around until she’s facing Niall.

“You know Harry thinks you’re fucking gorgeous,” Niall says and Liam laughs.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” she says. “Harry’s with you.”

“I love him.”

Liam blinks because she knows Niall and Harry are keen on each other, sure, but love is a big word and Liam doesn’t like it when people throw it around. “Niall – ”

“I know it seems ridiculous,” Niall says. “But I think it’s pretty obvious that I don’t do things in halves.” Liam laughs and nods because Niall is pretty much all or nothing twenty four hours a day.

“Yeah,” Liam whispers and pushes Niall’s hair off her face. “It’s not a bad thing Ni.”

“It is when Harry’s in love with someone else.”

“What?”

Niall shakes her head and rolls off her bed. “I’m going to take a shower. Stay fit as fuck,” she says with a grin that doesn’t quite reach her eyes and Liam groans and rolls over in bed, pulling the covers up and falling asleep with the smell of Niall wrapped around her.

\---

_goin out 2night_

Harry is holding the text in front of her face on his phone before she even has a chance to read the same message from Louis on her own.

“Got it Hazza, thanks,” she says with a laugh and he pouts.

“Going to come though?” he asks as they turn a corner that leads them to the courtyard. Niall smiles widely and waves the two of them over, sitting herself on Harry’s lap as soon as his arse hit’s the bench.

Liam turns away when Harry kisses her and slides onto the grass next to where Zayn is sitting, stretching the muscles in his ankles.

“You never stop working,” she says and he shrugs as Louis speaks.

“No rest for the wicked, Li,” he says with a wink and Zayn blushes, pulling his foot back and gasping a little at the stretch. “Don’t overdo it though Zayn.”

“I won’t,” Zayn grumbles, running a hand through his hair and taking a bite of the chocolate bar that Louis is brandishing in front of his face.

“Speaking of no rest,” Niall pipes up and Liam swings her head around to look at her, taking in the way her thumb is stroking across Harry’s hip. His hands are wrapped around her waist and he’s smiling at her because Niall is beautiful when she’s excited like this. “We’re all going out tonight, yeah?”

Zayn nods when Louis nudges him in the side, which earns him a wide smile and a cheer. “Knew you had it in you Zayn,” he says cheekily and Zayns smiles at him softly.

“I’ll come,” Liam says and Niall grins, hopping off Harry’s lap to sink onto the grass next to Liam and sprawl across her lap.

“Skip your afternoon classes and come shopping with me,” Niall says and Liam shakes her head immediately.

“No,” she says. “Why?”

“Because you need a new dress for tonight.”

Liam raises her eyebrows. “Thanks?” she says and Niall rolls her eyes.

“Don’t be a dick Liam, it’ll be fun!”

“You should go Liam,” Louis pipes up and Harry raises his eyebrows. “What? It’ll be fun! Fucking live a little. Zayn should go too. He needs a break.”

Liam rolls her eyes. “Will you get my homework for me?” she asks Harry and Niall cheers because she knows she’s already won. Harry smiles at Liam and nods and Liam feels her heart pound in her chest.

\---

The dress is clingy and sparkly and shows way too much skin and Liam feels like everyone is going to look at her, but it’s well worth her feeling a little bit uncomfortable when Harry blushes when she walks in the room and visibly gulps.

“You look hot,” Louis says, grinning at her and Liam smiles. Niall huffs where she is standing behind her. “You too of course Nialler,” he continues. “You’re not a free woman though.” He winks at Liam and she blushes, her eyes flicking to Zayn who is looking at the ground, wringing his hands together and picking at the bottom of his new shirt. It’s light blue, which he hates wearing, but he mentioned something about Louis saying he looks good in blue when he was buying it and it makes Liam feel like something’s missing from her body.

“Shall we?” Harry says, kissing Niall on the cheek as he wraps and arm around her and guides her towards the door. Liam thinks she hears a murmur of “You look beautiful,” but she pretends she doesn’t and smiles at Louis when he slaps her on the bum.

“Every guy is going to be looking at you tonight Liam,” he says. “God knows I am.”

\---

Liam feels Louis’ hands on her hips before she looks up and sees that it’s him. She’s been dancing with different people all night, a drink in one hand that she’s been desperately trying not to spill. Louis grins at her, kisses her cheek before pulling her closer to his body. Liam lets herself be pulled, lets Louis rest his hand half on the small on the back, half on her arse. His fingers dip beneath the low back of her dress, playing against her skin and she shifts closer to him.

“Hi,” he says, breathing against her skin.

“Hey.” 

Liam feels his fingers beneath her chin and she lets him tip her face up. She knows he’s going to kiss her and she lets him. His fingers fan across her jaw and tilt her head so that he can angle his lips towards hers. His tongue pushes into her mouth, hot and wet and she lets him lick across the back of her teeth. It feels nice to kiss Louis, his hands explore her body and she steps up a bit closer to him, presses completely against him. He growls and steps them towards the nearest wall, pushing Liam up against it and groping for her arse. She jumps a little and he smirks against her lips, chuckling.

“You’re such a jerk,” she says, laughing and he grins.

“You’re fucking sexy,” he replies and latches his lips onto her neck, sucking lightly. Liam can’t help the moan that escapes her because it feels so _good_ to have someone wanting her. She feels Louis’ leg pressing between her knees and she lets her legs fall open a little, leaning upwards to kiss Louis again. Her fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of his neck. It’s a little damp from dancing so close to so many sweaty bodies and she threads it through her fingers, tugs at it a little that has Louis groaning into her mouth.

“Lou,” she mumbles against his lips, pulling away slightly and gasping a bit. She can feel Louis’ hand scrunched in the material of her dress on her waist, the other hand edging up the back of her dress and while she feels hot all over, it’s a bit undignified to be felt up in the middle of a club.

“Yeah,” Louis breathes. “Yeah, okay, do you want to – I mean, we could go home?” Liam smiles because he sounds a bit nervous now that his lips aren’t attached to Liam and it’s endearing.

“Okay,” she says and lets him take her hand and lead her out of the club. She vaguely sees Harry and Niall dancing to some dirty beat and she almost lets herself get upset by it, but then the cold night air hits her and she lets Louis pull her under his arm and into a cab and forgets.

Louis lets Liam get the door and she fumbles with her key a little because Louis is pressed up against her back, kissing her neck and shoulder and sliding his hands into her dress. He manages to get a hand inside her bra, a thumb across her nipple and she swears and almost drops the key. “Fuck, Louis,” she hisses and he pulls his hands out of her dress, laughing an apology into her shoulder.

When Liam gets the door open, it swings open and smacks into the wall behind it. She and Louis collapse into laughter as they make their way down the hall, Louis kicking the door shut behind him and okay, maybe Liam is a lot more tipsy than she thought she was.

“Think I might fuck you,” Louis says with a grin, pushing open the door to Liam’s room. The two of them fly in there and sort of sprawl onto the bed and it ends in a peal of laughter again and this whole thing is just getting ridiculous, but Louis pushes her dress up over her head while he’s laughing and then he kisses her again, smiling against her lips and it’s actually really nice. And yeah, Liam can definitely do the whole sex with a friend thing.

She gasps as Louis presses inside her, hitching her legs up around his waist and letting him thrust into her gently, shallow at first before pushing deeper, hitching her hips up and running his hands along her long thighs to change the angle. Liam whimpers and pushes her hips towards him, her nails scratching at his sides as she comes with a cry.

Louis follows her with a gasp, pulling out and rolling onto the bed next to her. Liam bundles herself closer to him, slots herself between his arm and his body where she can smell herself on his skin. “Lou,” she mumbles and he leans down to kiss her. It’s less intense than before and Liam feels very sober suddenly. “Are we going to be okay?” she asks because she doesn’t think she can deal with losing Louis as a friend.

“Of course,” Louis says and she knows then that it’s true. “We’re always alright Liam.”

She curls up into his side and she’s falling into sleep when she hears him let out a whimper that sounds a bit like he’s trying not to cry and so she leans up on her elbows over him and scrutinises his face. “Are you okay?” she asks and Louis blinks at her and shakes his head, biting his lip. “What is it?”

“Can’t say it,” Louis says and Liam rolls her eyes.

“Am I really that bad of a lay?” she asks with a smirk and he cracks up.

“You’re fucking cheeky when you’re drunk Liam.” He breaks off and grins. “I like it.”

She laughs for a minute, burying her face in his shoulder before she lays her head there, right up next to his. She thinks if she listens really hard, she would be able to hear his heartbeat. “Lou,” she says and he hums. “Can I ask you something?”

“Uhuh,” he replies, and she feels him nod.

“Are you in love with Zayn?”

She feels the room go still for a second or two while Louis contemplates how to answer. His hand stills where it was tracing a pattern onto the bare skin of her back. He sucks in a shaky breath before he answers. “Would you believe me if I said no?”

“Probably not,” she says.

“Then no.”

Liam pulls her blanket up over the two of them and wraps her arm more tightly around Louis’ waist. “Okay.”

\---

“So did you two fuck last night or not?” Niall asks over breakfast the next morning. Zayn drops his spoon into his half eaten porridge and Harry’s knuckles go white on the spatula he is using to flip eggs. Louis cracks up laughing as Liam blushes to the roots of her hair.

“Liam’s as fantastic in bed as you’d all assume,” he says with a smirk and Liam rolls her eyes.

“Shame I can’t say the same about you,” she says with a grin and Louis’ eyes widen for a moment before he grins, narrowing his eyes at Liam in a mocking glare.

Zayn looks down at his hands and tries to pretend he is anywhere but at the kitchen table discussing the sex that two of his best friends had last night. “I think I’m going to head in early,” Zayn says, scraping his chair back from the table and pushing his uneaten porridge away from himself. “Get some extra practise, you know?”

Louis looks up at him from the end of the table and pushes his chair back as well. “Might come too, I reckon,” he says and Zayn sighs because Louis is the one he wants to get away from.

“Okay,” he mumbles and waits by the door while Louis brushes his teeth.

“You okay?” Louis asks as they walk towards the college and Zayn starts to shake his head to say no, but Louis has looked so happy for the past few days and they’ve been talking a lot more recently and he really doesn’t want to ruin that.

“Yeah,” Zayn says, turning to smile at Louis. “I’m really good.”

Louis smiles and he looks really beautiful and says, “I’ve missed you a bit,” which is all Zayn is ever going to get from Louis because he’s really not that great at emotions and stuff like that and it makes his heart swell because it’s probably Louis trying to say that he’s actually missed Zayn a _lot_.

“You too,” Zayn says with a blush and a smile and Louis grins back.

At one stage, Louis grabs Zayn’s hand to pull him across the road in a tiny gap between traffic and Zayn feels his heart skip a beat, though he manages to convince himself it’s because he almost got pummelled by a huge truck and Louis is just giggling at the shocked look on Zayn’s face.

“I wouldn’t let you get hurt!” Louis cries and Zayn thinks _well you kind of already did_ , but Louis doesn’t let go of his hand and even though Zayn has no idea what that means, he lets Louis stroke his thumb over Zayn’s wrist and tries not to die from how fast his heart is beating.

They have ballet first, which is Zayn’s favourite because it’s what he wants to be when he’s older. Louis doesn’t like ballet as much, hates how many rules there are and how perfect you need to be. He prefers contemporary where he gets to do whatever the hell he wants because he always manages to make it look amazing.

“Zayn,” Louis says, approaching him as Zayn pulls his jumper off so that he’s left only in his full length leotard and the shorts he has on underneath. He almost thinks he sees Louis’ eyes travel over his body and he shifts uncomfortably because surely it’s just his imagination.

“Mm?”

“I was thinking,” Louis says and it’s always dangerous when he says something like that.

“Should I be worried?” Zayn asks. “Is this going to be some dangerous grand plan of some sort?”

Louis laughs and shoves Zayn in the shoulder. “My grand plans are amazing. And no, but…it’s a big ask.”

“Spit it out then,” Zayn says.

“Well, I was thinking maybe you could be my partner in ballet for the duet assignment coming up.”

Zayn’s brow crinkles. “What’s the catch?” he asks sceptically and Louis shrugs.

“No catch. I’m just not that great at ballet, so I thought you might not want to.” Zayn’s eyes widen because Louis might not be the best with technicality, but there’s no arguing that he’s one of the best dancers in their year level taking ballet. He’s fucking fantastic when he commits himself to a routine and he looks so nervous and insecure that it breaks Zayn’s heart.

“Lou,” he says gently, pulling Louis into a hug. “You know you’re amazing right?”

Louis chuckles. “You have to say that Zayn, you’re my best friend.”

“No! Really, Louis – ”

“Okay, okay, I get it,” Louis says because he hates compliments. “So is that a ‘yes’?”

“It’s definitely a ‘yes’,” Zayn says. “I couldn’t say ‘no’.” And it’s definitely the truth. He’s never been able to say ‘no’ to Louis.

\---

Liam and Niall are cooking risotto together because they’re the only ones who can and because the boys are out on the front lawn with the sprinkler on, running around in their underwear in the last remaining dregs of the sun.

“They’re like children,” Niall says with a laugh and Liam grins.

“You’d so be out there if you could be,” she says and Niall rolls her eyes, nodding as she adds pumpkin to the pot.

“Well can you blame me?” Niall asks, laughing. “Listen to them squealing like girls? They sound like they’re having the time of their life and we’re in here, sweltering while we cook dinner for those dumb idiots.”

Liam smirks and knocks Niall’s hip with her own. “Cheer up,” she says. “We’re not having the worst time are we?”

Niall shakes her head with a smile. “It’d be better if I was allowed to put my iPod on!”

“No, Niall, _no_ ,” Liam says desperately because Niall has got the worst taste in music in the world. She has the iPod of a twelve year old girl going through her ‘I don’t need a man’ phase and Liam can’t stand it. None of them can, other than Louis who will put up with any music as long as he can dance to it.

Niall sticks her iPod onto the dock and laughs in glee when Liam cringes away from the awful Carly Rae Jepsen that fills the kitchen. Niall raises her voice and starts singing and she’s never had the greatest voice out of the lot of them, but she still manages to sound nice and there’s a definite smile in her voice, Liam can hear it. Niall grabs Liam’s hands in hers and swings them in front of her, trying to get her to dance and Liam collapses into laughter as she starts to move grudgingly.

“You’re such a party pooper, Li! Come _on_ , dance with me,” Niall yells over the music and Liam giggles, finally lets herself fall into the music and starts to sing along with Niall.

When Harry comes skidding into the kitchen a few minutes later, dripping water all over the floor, Liam and Niall are singing heart wrenching versions of Demi Lovato, their spoons as their microphones. Harry’s eyes widen as he drips quietly in the doorway. “Niall!” he laughs. “What have you done to poor Liam?” He looks outraged and Niall laughs gleefully as Liam sings even louder. “You’ve ruined her forever!” he yells. “You can’t come back from this Liam, I’m telling Michelle.”

Liam shrieks and shakes her head. “You can’t,” she yells over the music, laughing. “She’ll kick me out!”

“You deserve it,” he says, shaking his head in dismay when the next song starts, and old S Club 7 song and Liam yelps and starts singing along immediately. “This is a sad day for us all.”

Niall grins and chases Harry out of the room and Liam hears a call of “Let us know when dinner’s ready!” before the front door slams again and Niall reappears.

“Don’t listen to him Liam, your new taste in music is fabulous,” she says with a giggle and Liam smiles.

“You’re a terrible influence Nialler.”

\---

Niall is in a terrible mood the next time Louis suggests they should go out and slams the door to her room before any of them even have a chance to ask her if she wants to come.

“Well, I guess that’s that then,” Louis says, shrugging guiltily and Harry giggles into his hand before trying to stifle his laughter.

“Shouldn’t laugh at your own girlfriends pain Harold,” Louis continues and Harry laughs properly, his eyes sparkling. Liam smiles at him across the lounge and he grins.

“When do you want to leave?” Harry asks, glancing at the clock on the wall because it’s already past nine.

“Half an hour,” Louis says. “Liam, go get ready.”

She rolls her eyes and leaves the room, rummaging through her wardrobe and settling on a plain black dress that she wears when she can’t be bothered trying because it always looks nice.

“You look pretty,” Harry says when Liam reappears in the lounge room. He’s got a shot in one hand and he downs it as she approaches. She’s blushing now like she always does when Harry compliments her and her eyes flicker to where Louis and Zayn are sitting sprawled all over each other, guesses that Louis is already pretty tipsy.

“Let’s go lads!” he yells. “Oh, and Liam…but you’re kind of a lad, right?”

Liam rolls her eyes and lets Louis drag her out of the house and down the street to the bar where they always start the night.

“You drinking tonight?” Harry asks and Liam nods. She needs it.

“A bit,” she replies and he smiles, handing her a glass of what looks like vodka and coke. “Thanks.”

“To a night that is very young!” Louis yells and clinks their glasses together. Harry’s eyes meet hers and he winks. Liam feels the bass pick up.

\---

Liam is sweaty and tired. The hair at the back of her neck is still damp when she flops onto her bed. She can hear Louis and Zayn laughing in the hallway and then a thump as Louis presumably flings Zayn onto the floor because it’s followed by a peal of laughter and the sounds of Louis scampering up the stairs to his room accompanied by Zayn groaning loudly and pulling himself off the floor.

Liam can hear Harry locking up and she lifts herself up off her bed and tries to convince herself it’s a good idea to get changed into her pyjamas before she tries to sleep, but she’s just so…sleepy. Still, she shimmies out of her skirt and lets it fall to the floor, unbuttoning her shirt before she lets herself sit back down on her bed. “Shit,” she mutters because she really doesn’t know how she’s going to bring herself to find a clean t shirt to sleep in.

“Liam.” She snaps her head up and Harry is standing in the doorway. His voice sounds wrecked and his eyes are locked on hers. His eyes are dark and some of his hair is sticking to his forehead because it was hot in the cab, but it’s cold now and Liam shivers a little, feels goose bumps rise on her skin. 

“Yeah?” she asks, standing up and reaching for a t shirt that’s tossed over the back of her desk chair. When she turns to look at Harry, he’s still looking at her, his eyes roving over her body as he takes her in.

He clears his throat. “Don’t,” he says, stepping into her room, closing the door gently behind him and suddenly the air feels all hot and stuffy and Liam can’t really breathe properly. She sucks in a ragged breath as Harry moves towards her, takes the t shirt out of her hands and drops it on the floor.

His hands hover over her waist, like he’s trying to stop himself from letting them fall onto her skin. “Harry,” she whispers. “What are you doing?”

He whines in the back of his throat, closing his eyes and tipping his head back. “I don’t fucking know,” he breathes out and it’s strangled. Liam hasn’t ever felt air so electric. “Fuck, Liam.” And then his hands are on her, one clutching at her hip, the other tangled in her hair, pulling her towards him so he can part her lips with his.

Liam gasps into Harry’s mouth and his tongue licks into her, deep and strong and she can barely breathe, everything feels so heavy. The photo frames on her dresser clatter as Harry pushes her up against it, her hands scratching at the skin on his back under his t shirt. “Harry,” she mumbles into his mouth. “Harry what about Niall?”

“Don’t,” he murmurs, his lips latching onto her neck as he manoeuvres her towards the bed. “Please Liam, fuck, just _don’t_.”

“Okay, I won’t.” And it’s the truth because she really can’t bring herself to think about Niall, not when Harry is twisting his fingers behind her back and unhooking her bra, pulling it from her shoulders and running his hands softly over her breasts while his mouth slants over hers. Liam is hot all over, she can feel her pulse jack-rabbiting at the base of her throat, shivers when Harry licks across her collarbone.

“I think you’re absolutely fucking stunning,” he says as he scrambles down the bed and presses a line of kisses from her knee to the seam where her thigh meets the rest of her body. “Want you,” he murmurs against her skin.

“Take me then,” Liam says and she thinks it’s the filthiest thing that’s ever come from between her usually guarded lips. Harry probably thinks so too if the groan he answers with is anything to go by and he pushes her underwear aside and licks into her cunt, lapping at her like he’s never enjoyed anything more in his life. Her hips come off the bed as his tongue curls around her clit and he sucks softly, pressing two fingers into her and curling them upwards.

“Harry,” Liam squeaks and he hums against her, looking up at her with pupils blown so that his eyes are hardly green anymore, just _black_. She’s never seen him look so wrecked, his lips a little shiny and his cheeks flushed. She figures she looks the same and she throws her head back because she can’t look at him anymore, not when he’s licking his lips to taste her before letting his tongue work at her again, alternating between sucking and kitten licks until she’s falling over the edge with what she hopes is a muffled cry because they live in a house full of people including Harry’s girlfriend and it would probably be good if no one found out about this.

Liam is ready for him to fuck her, wants it even, when he comes back up the bed and kisses her. She can taste herself on his tongue and it turns her on more than it should, a jab of pleasure spiking between her already sensitive hips. “Are you going to fuck me?” she whispers against his mouth and he groans, pushes his tongue against hers.

“Can’t,” he says. “Fuck Liam you’ve got no idea how much I want to.”

“Do it then,” she says and she’s confused because she doesn’t know why he’s still fully clothed when she’s lying naked beneath him. It doesn’t seem fair really.

He laughs. “I – fuck,” he swears, pushing himself up off the bed. “I’m so fucking sorry,” he says and then he’s gone, clicking the door shut behind him.

Liam runs a hand over her face, rolls over and curls up on top of the covers because it’s not fair, the way he makes her feel like she’s hurtling towards the sun, blazing with life so brilliantly until it’s too much and it starts to hurt. She doesn’t want to cry, but she feels the tears pricking behind her eyes anyway because Harry just gave her the best orgasm of her life, touched her like she was the love of his life and then ripped himself away from her.

And she knows in the morning she won’t have anyone to talk to.

\---

Zayn lets Louis feed him baked beans on toast at breakfast and Liam smiles at the two of them because Zayn is so whipped, especially for someone who he isn’t in a relationship with. It would be kind of sweet if it weren’t so pathetic and painful to watch.

Harry’s up before Niall and he nods at Liam as he walks into the kitchen and grabs a slice of toast from the pile Louis is stacking up in front of the toaster.

“Oi!” Louis exclaims and Harry winks, sitting down opposite Liam.

“You alright?” he says and he looks serious, compared to how cheeky he’d looked about 3.4 seconds prior when he was grinning at Louis.

“Yeah,” Liam says softly and he smiles at her, reaches across the table to squeeze her hand and it makes her feel a bit better because she was worried he’d pretend it never happened, act like it meant nothing when he knows full well that it means the fucking world to Liam.

Niall slips into the kitchen about five seconds after Harry lets go of Liam’s hand and she feels her stomach flip. “Mornin’,” Niall says, rubbing a hand through her course hair. “What time did you lot get in?”

“Two maybe,” Zayn says quietly and Louis ruffles his hair playfully on his way past.

“You did good Zayn, a real party animal!” Zayn glares at him and Louis laughs. “I’m showering, don’t you dare all leave for class without me.”

Niall bumps her hip against Louis as he walks past and he tickles her quickly before sprinting up the stairs as she yells after him. “He’s a cunt,” she says, flopping into the seat next to Harry and leaning in to kiss him deeply. Liam looks away.

Zayn meets her eyes across the table and quirks a questioning eyebrow, but Liam shakes her head slightly and he shrugs, turning back to the half finished baked beans on her plate. “You should finish it,” Liam says and Zayn rolls his eyes.

“Yeah, you know I will if you don’t,” Niall pipes up, grinning at Zayn.

“I’ll never know how you stay so skinny,” Harry says, grinning at Niall cheekily as she whacks him on the arm.

“You’re such an arse Harry Styles,” she yells, swinging her other leg over his lap so that she’s straddling him properly and starts to tickle him.

Liam leaves the room when Niall yells out “Are you _hard_?” with Zayn hot on her heels.

“That’s ridiculous,” Zayn says and Liam laughs, trying to ignore the burning feeling in the middle of her chest.

“Let them have their fun, I guess,” she says.

“Yeah, I guess while it lasts, they should make the most of it.” And Liam doesn’t get the chance to ask him what he means.

\---

“Your final piece should be something that you can relate to.”

Liam tunes in because this kind of thing is important. She doesn’t zone out much in class, but after sleeping with Harry (kind of) a week ago, she finds it really hard to sit behind him without staring at the way his shoulders stretch the material of his t shirt and wondering what it would be like to run her hands down them. It’s a little unfair that she’s getting all these _urges_ because she’s always been so sensible and it’s a bit of a ridiculously large change, being so charged all the time.

Their teacher is talking about their final performance of the semester, which is apparently some big thing and counts towards their grade and she’s hoping Harry has been paying attention because she really hasn’t been.

“If the song is personal to you, you’re going to sing it better. It’s as simple as that. I want the words to sound like they’re coming from within. It doesn’t mean there has to be some sort of painful longing in them. It could be a happy song. Hell, you could be singing _Welcome to the Sixties_ and as long as you do it as though it’s the greatest thing that’s ever happened to you, I’ll believe it.”

Liam laughs along politely with the rest of the students and silently bets that at least three of them will end up singing _Welcome to the Sixties_ in the final performance. She hears a bell ring in the distance and flips her notebook closed where it’s sitting, blank, on her desk.

“Hey,” Harry says, bumping their hips together as she stands up. She smiles at him and tries not to let it be strained, but it’s really hard to look at Harry when she knows what he looks like with his head between her legs.

“Hi.” Liam pulls her duffel bag over her shoulder and falls into step next to Harry.

“Niall texted to let me know that Louis convinced her and Zayn to go for dinner and a movie with him, so it’s just us,” he says as they step outside. Liam wraps her arms around herself because it’s getting dark and cold. That’s the thing with having classes that finish at six, she never remembers to bring a jacket.

“Okay,” Liam says. She’s nervous about it actually, being alone with Harry. She doesn’t know how it’s going to be between the two of them, but she figures she’ll let Harry figure that out.

“I’m thinking pasta and red wine and TV for the evening,” he says and Liam laughs because she never used to drink red wine until she knew Harry and it’s really a bit ridiculous that her eighteen year old best friend has an affinity for wine.

“Sounds good to me,” she says.

“So,” Harry says. “This final song…sounds ominous.”

“I guess so,” Liam says. “I swear there are so many musicals that relate to my life that I won’t be able to choose a song to sing.”

Harry laughs. “Our lives are pretty dramatic, hey Li?”

“Well yeah,” she says. She breaks off. “If our life were a musical – ” she beings, before Harry cuts her off.

“It’d be Rent,” Harry says with an air of finality and Liam raises an eyebrow.

“Oh?”

“Yeah, you know, struggling in our debt, trying to get by, make something of ourselves. It rings disgustingly true.”

Liam laughs, shifts her bag on her shoulder and indicates for the two of them to cross the road. “I guess you’re right,” she says as they turn onto their street, sighing at how ridiculous it is that she and Harry are comparing their lives to Rent.

“Zayn would be Mark,” Harry continues and Liam thinks _okay, we’re doing this then_.

“Yeah,” she says. “Pining over someone who won’t be with him, socially awkward, doesn’t really know where he fits in.”

Harry nods. “Louis is Maureen.”

“Just because of Zayn?” Liam asks because really, if they’re going to do it this way, Harry should be Maureen and Liam should be Mark, but she’s not about to admit to that.

“No!” Harry says and laughs like Liam is being silly. “Because he’s crazy and eccentric and all over the place and everyone wants a part of him to themselves.”

“And he flirts with everything that moves,” Liam says with a giggle and Harry looks at her fondly. She blushes and pushes a piece of hair that’s fallen out of her plait behind her ear. She moves in so that she doesn’t have to acknowledge that Harry isn’t really meant to look at her like that. “Niall is Mimi,” she says and they don’t have to say anything to agree it’s because of the mood swings and the way she’s so fucking unpredictable.

“Who am I?” Harry asks and Liam doesn’t even have to think to answer.

“Roger,” she says and smiles when Harry raises an eyebrow. “You’ve got the husky voice for it.” Harry laughs and Liam grins. “You’re the heart throb.” It makes Harry roll his eyes and grin at her and Liam feels her heart throb in her chest and she thinks _exactly_.

“You’re Joanne,” he says and Liam frowns because Joanne is the one who isn’t really a part of it all.

“What, because I’m manly and uptight?”

“No!” Harry says, laughing. “Because you’re strong.” Okay, Liam can deal with that as an explanation. “Besides,” he says, “Joanne was always my favourite.”

Harry winks at her and Liam doesn’t really know what to say to that, so she’s glad when they get to their house and she can pretend to be distracted by digging around in her bag for the keys.

\---

“What song are you going to sing?” Liam’s vocal coach, Andrew, asks and Liam smiles.

“I think I’m going to do _I Dreamed a Dream_ ,” she says confidently because she knows she’ll be able to sing it and sing it really, really well. Andrew raises his eyebrows.

“It’s a hard song,” he says with a frown.

“I know I can do it,” she says, nodding to reassure herself.

“I know you can too,” he says. “But it’ll be harder than you think, Liam.” Liam frowns, confused. “It’s a song about a lot of pain and emotional struggle. You’re really going to have to dig deep and find that within. It’s going to be hard to let yourself feel so much every time you sing it.”

“I can do that,” Liam says and she believes herself.

“Okay then,” Andrew says. “Give it a go.”

Liam opens her mouth and lets herself sing. She originally told herself that she was going to try not to sing about Harry, to push him out of her mind while she sang. But it’s almost impossible and if she wants to taste the pain that she’s singing about, she needs to let Harry fill her heart. As the music swells, Liam feels her voice try to catch over the words as her throat thickens and Andrew cuts the music.

“You okay?” he asks and Liam nods, fighting back tears and biting her lip.

“Too much?” she asks, her voice coming out a little strangled and Andrew stands up and pulls Liam into a hug.

“It was amazing Liam. Whatever you’re thinking about is perfect. You just need to practise so that you can let that emotion come through in the song and not through tears,” he says and Liam nods.

“Okay, I think I can do that.”

“Let’s call it a day, huh? You can go get a drink and something to eat and I’ll see you back on Wednesday.”

Liam nods and smiles, picking up her bag and making her way out of the private room. She silently vows that when she sings that song, she won’t let herself think about Harry. She thought it would make it easier to tap into her emotions, but the pain is too much, she can’t sing about something that’s tearing her apart so much. She can push it down and sing about the fact that she can never find the money to pay her rent or something like that. The good grades aren’t worth the emotional trauma.

\---

Liam panics when she turns onto their street. She hates walking home alone as it is and it’s getting a bit dark and she can see red and blue flashing lights down the other end of the street. “Shit,” she breathes and picks up the pace, jogging down the street until she’s sure that yeah, they’re out the front of her house and then she starts sprinting.

“What’s going on?” she yells when she gets there because Zayn is sitting on the porch with his head in his hands and he looks up at her when she gets there and he’s been crying. “Zayn?”

Zayn stands up and pulls Liam into a tight hug, wrapping his arms around her waist. “It’s Niall, she – ” Zayn breaks off at the clatter behind him and Liam looks up to see two paramedics rattling a stretcher down the hallway with Harry following behind them. He’s been crying too and Liam bursts into tears because she can see it’s Niall on the stretcher and she doesn’t look like she’s breathing.

“She’s alive,” Harry says as he brushes past the two of them and into the waiting ambulance behind the paramedics. “Lou will drive to the hospital, he’s in the bathroom now.” His voice is strained and he won’t meet Liam’s eyes as he clambers into the back with Niall, immediately reaching for her hand. Liam catches a glimpse of heavy white bandages wrapped around Niall’s wrists and she feels sick.

“What the _fuck_ happened?” Liam asks as Louis slams out of the house and into the car. Zayn pulls her into the back seat and Liam almost throws up when she sees that Louis’ got blood on his shirt. “ _Louis_ ,” she demands as he pulls out onto the street.

“Would you _shut up_ for one second?” Louis yells and Liam pulls her knees up to her chest, letting out a sob.

Zayn reaches across the seat and grabs her hand. “Harry pulled Niall out of the lounge to talk to her for a second. Five minutes later, we heard yelling about Niall threatening to kill herself and then she locked herself in the bathroom.”

“Fuck,” Liam mutters and Zayn squeezes her hand tighter.

“She didn’t open the door for half an hour and Louis called an ambulance. They had to break down the door and she was just kind of…lying there. She was unconscious and then you got here and I don’t know what’s going on. None of us do.”

Liam lets out a broken sob and rests her head against the window as they pull up to the hospital. “Liam, come on,” Louis says, opening the door where she’s leaning and she almost falls out the car.

“Sorry, sorry,” she mutters and follows Louis and Zayn into the lifts. “Let me call Harry.”

Harry tells them to come to the fifth floor and Liam feels her heart jump when she sees that the fifth floor is the ICU from the directory in the elevator. She can see him hunched on one of the chairs in the waiting room. His knees are pulled up to his chest and he’s resting his chin on them. His eyes look red, like he’s been crying, but she can’t really tell from so far away. “Harry,” she whispers and there’s no way that he can hear her over the hustle and bustle and the tens of people that are separating him from her, but her feet move her towards him of their own accord.

“Liam,” he says, scrambling to stand up from where he’s sitting and he pulls her close to him, wrapping her into his chest with his arms and sliding a hand into her hair to hold her face in his shoulder. “I told Niall,” he whispers to her and she doesn’t have to ask to know that he’s talking about the night after the club a week or so ago. “I’m so sorry.”

“Don’t,” Liam murmurs into his skin.

“Mr. Styles?” says and unfamiliar voice and Liam lifts her head and spins around to face the doctor who is standing with a clipboard. “Miss Horan has you listed as contact.” Harry gulps and runs a hand through his hair. He’s obviously stressed out of his mind and Liam reaches for his hand.

“Yeah,” Harry says. “Is she okay?”

The doctor purses his lips and gestures for Harry to sit down. Liam sets herself in the seat next to him and Louis sits on her other side. When Zayn goes to take a seat, Louis pulls him onto his lap, wrapping his arms tightly around Zayn’s waist and hooking his chin over his shoulder. The doctor’s eyes flick towards the two of them for a moment before turning back to Harry. “She’s alive,” he says and Harry lets out a sigh. “We’ve put her on a blood transfusion and she’s in an induced coma until her body is healthy enough to work by itself again, but she’s going to be okay.”

“When are you waking her up?” Louis asks and the doctor turns to smile tightly at him.

“Should be in the morning. I suggest you go home and get some rest.”

“We’re not leaving,” Liam says firmly and the doctor sighs, standing up.

“I’ll send someone to let you know if there’s any progress,” he says before leaving the room.

\---

Liam wakes up at one in the morning with her feet curled in Harry’s lap. The waiting room is bright and her mouth feels disgusting. Harry is leaning on his hand, scrolling through his phone and Liam wonders how on earth he is still awake considering how completely knackered she is. Zayn is asleep with his head on Louis lap. One of Louis’ hands is resting in Zayn’s hair as he massages his head gently and the other is twisted in Zayn’s fingers.

“Hi,” Harry says quietly, reaching down to brush his thumb across Liam’s ankle. “Was thinking about getting coffee, you want one?”

Liam yawns and shrugs, sitting up. “I’ll come with you,” she says. “Has the doctor been back?”

“He came back to let me know Niall still hasn’t woken up, but she’s going to be okay.”

“Thank God,” Liam says and lets Harry pull her up off the uncomfortable seats.

Harry makes it as far as the brightly lit hallway before he stops walking and Liam is wrenched back, realising that she never let go of his hand. “Harry?” she says gently and he runs a hand over his eyes.

“I’m in love with you,” he says and Liam feels her stomach drop.

“Oh,” she says. “Oh, okay, that’s – ” Harry cuts her off, pulling a door open next to him that says Supply Closet and pulling her inside. He shuts the door and leans his head against it and Liam stands awkwardly behind him, watching his shoulders move up and down slightly as he sucks in breath after breath. He hand quivers at her side like it’s trying to reach her him and she lets it, her fingers falling into the dip between Harry’s shoulder blades. He shivers and spins around, his hands framing her face instantly as his forehead drops to rest against hers.

“Liam,” he breathes out and she whimpers, letting him spin her around and press her up against the door. “I love you so fucking much, you have no idea.”

Liam sucks in a shaky breath, realises the front of Harry’s shirt is scrunched up in her hands, her nails scratching into his skin a little. “I love you too,” she whispers into the inch of space between their lips and then Harry closes it.

His lips are hot against hers, a little chapped from breathing in the stale hospital air for hours and Liam’s fingers scramble for purchase in his hair. Harry presses his lips so hard against Liam’s that it hurts, his teeth biting into her bottom lip and pulling it away from her mouth. “I need – ” he breaks off. “I need to – Liam I need to – ” his hands and pulling at the back of her thighs and Liam nods roughly against him, letting her hike her skirt up and lift her legs to wrap around his waist.

“It’s okay,” she says. “Harry, it’s okay.” She reaches a hand down and awkwardly tries to undo his fly and he chuckles, pushing her hand away and drops his jeans and boxers. His belt falls with a clatter to the floor but his lips are back on hers and she hardly has time to notice.

“I love you,” he murmurs against Liam’s neck before he pushes his dick inside her wish a gasp. He’s still for a minute or two, his ragged breath hot against Liam’s neck, arms shaking with the effort of holding her up against the door. “I’m so sorry for the last week,” he whispers and Liam shakes her head.

“It’s fine Harry,” she says. “It’s not your fault, I mean, I know – I get it.”

“I don’t deserve you,” he mumbles, pulling back to thrust into her gently, lowering his hand to flick his thumb across her clit.

“Probably not,” she says, which earns her a laugh and a harder thrust. He’s building up a rhythm now, thrusting into Liam hard and deep as his lips kiss a trail up the column of her throat. Liam gasps into his mouth when he leans in to kiss her, feeling her own legs start to shake with her impending orgasm.

“Li,” he gasps and hitches her up a little higher against the wall. It’s the new angle that has her quivering as she comes, pleasure shooting down her thighs and into her abdomen. She thinks she whimpers Harry’s name, but she can’t really be sure because her blood is pounding in her ears. She feels Harry thrust into her once, twice, three times before he’s shaking and biting into Liam’s shoulder and Liam has never felt so full but so empty all at the same time.

\---

When they get back to the waiting room, coffee cradled in their hands like it’s the only thing keeping them alive, Louis is kissing Zayn.

“Oh,” Liam says and they break apart sheepishly. Zayn can hardly keep the stupid goofy grin off his face and Louis isn’t doing much better, probably only trying to hold off on the smile because of the dire situation that they’re all in.

“Got your shit together then?” Harry asks and Zayn shrugs, looking to Louis.

“Think Zayn got his shit together a long time ago and it’s just been me being a bit of a dick about the whole thing hasn’t it?” Louis says and Liam smiles fondly at him because even if it took one of their best friends trying to drain herself of blood in their bathroom, at least he’s there now. He got there in the end.

“Where’s _our_ coffee?” Zayn asks and Harry rolls his eyes.

“Get it yourself you tosspots,” he says and Louis grins.

“Yeah Zayn?” he says, standing up from where he’s sitting curled up uncomfortably.

“Yeah.”

The two of them are gone for a few minutes before Liam decides to speak up about the whole declarations of love in a supply closet thing. It’s the sort of thing that could make things between Liam and Harry really bloody awkward and she doesn’t need that, not on top of trying to figure out how to make Niall not hate her and also passing her classes for the semester. It’s all a bit much really and Liam runs a shaky hand through her hair before turning to Harry.

“So about what you said in the hall,” she begins and Harry nods.

“I meant it.”

“I know you did,” she says. She takes Harry’s hand in hers and kisses his fingertips. “I believe you Harry and you know I love you too.” He smiles. “But you have to be with Niall.”

She’s never seen someone’s face fall so quickly and thoroughly and it honestly breaks her heart when Harry manages to squeak out a, “What?”

“I love you so much,” Liam says, “but this is going to tear us all apart if you don’t try to fix things with her.”

“But I want to be with _you_ ,” Harry murmurs and Liam nearly goes back on the whole idea, because how can she say no to someone whose eyes are so pleading.

“Harry,” Liam whispers and it comes out as more of a strangled mewl and Harry pulls her closer to him and buries his face in her hair and just _breathes_ her in. “Please.”

“Okay,” he says and it almost hurts how quickly he’s agreed to it. He could probably have convinced Liam to give up on the idea if he’d been a little more resistant and that hurts too. But Liam knows it’s for the best, knows that Niall will be all the better for it. Because she can’t stand to stop Niall from recovering from her attempted suicide by taking away the person she loves most of all.

Niall needs Harry and all of them need Niall.

\---

When the doctors finally decide that Niall isn’t about to off herself at her first moment alone, they let her come home. She’s missed a week of classes and the college is freaking out a little bit, especially because her absence has had this huge impact on the rest of them too. Harry drives Louis’ car to the hospital to pick her up and Liam shuts herself in her room. She can hear Louis and Zayn laughing in the lounge room and it makes her smile a bit because she’s so glad that they get to be happy, but then it also makes her want to cry because she’s not going to have that with Harry.

When she hears the car pull up out the front, she sticks her head out into the hallway. Harry and Niall appear at the front door and she can see that Niall is cuddled up under Harry’s arm through the fly screen. She raises a hand in greeting when the door opens and tries to smile, but Niall glares at her immediately and Harry just shakes his head in her direction so she retreats back into her room, listening to Louis’ exaggerated whooping and Zayn’s laughter as she’s sure they embrace Niall.

Liam falls onto her bed and closes her eyes. She sings _I Dreamed a Dream_ because she’s meant to have practised it before she sees Andrew tomorrow and she hasn’t because she’s been so caught up hoping that Niall won’t hate her and coming to the slow realisation that she definitely does.

She pushes any thoughts of Harry out of her mind and if the song comes out sounding like the doesn’t mean it, then that’s not her problem because it’s a whole lot better than it coming out as though her whole world is ending because she never wanted to be the girl who needed to get the guy to be happy, but Harry is kind of everything.

\---

Zayn feels safest when Louis’ hands are on his waist, lifting him into the air as the music swells. His heart still stutters whenever Louis fingers brush against his skin, but it’s a whole new level of raised heartbeat when Louis is picking him up as though he weighs nothing and pulling him through the air.

There is a beat as the song finishes with Zayn pressed against Louis’ chest, their legs tangled together artfully and then a light smattering of applause as Louis grins, stepping back from Zayn and taking his hand as he falls into a bow. Zayn smiles too, his eyes crinkling as he looks towards the teacher who is jotting down some last minute notes about their performance, but he knows they’ve nailed it, with the perfect mix of Zayn’s perfectionism and Louis’ passion.

Zayn looks at Louis and lets himself be pulled into a crushing hug. Hugging Louis always feels perfect because he’s a little soft and warm while Zayn is all pointy edges and it works well, they fit together. Louis presses a chaste kiss against Zayn’s neck that he thinks no one else sees and leans in close to whisper in his ear, “I love you.”

Zayn thinks he feels like heart stop beating, but Louis doesn’t give him a chance to react, stepping out of Zayn’s arms and pulling him off the stage and into the wings. The next two performers are standing there and step onto the stage just before Louis pushes Zayn up against the closest wall and kisses him deeply, his tongue exploring every inch of his mouth.

“Thank you,” he breathes onto Zayn’s lips when he pulls back and Zayn is a little bit dazed and doesn’t quite know how to respond. “You know, for dancing with me.”

“Lou – ” Zayn begins and Louis cuts him off with another kiss.

“And you don’t have to say anything about, well…you don’t have to say it back. I know it’s soon and – what?” Louis breaks off as Zayn laughs at him, burying his face in Louis shoulder to try and stop the chuckles that are escaping his lips at how ridiculous Louis is being.

“I thought you already knew,” Zayn says, grinning into Louis’ skin.

“No, I didn’t – knew what?”

“How completely in love with you I am.”

“You – you are?” Louis asks and Zayn looks up at him, smiling widely before pressing his lips to Louis’ with a confidence that he didn’t know he had.

“I am.”

\---

Liam is nervous. She doesn’t shake when she’s nervous, but her palms get all clammy and she blinks a lot, like she’s trying to restore some of the moisture in her eyes.

“Miss Payne,” Michelle says, smiling at Liam as she takes the stage. “I understand you’re going to be singing _I Dreamed a Dream today_ , is that correct?”

Liam clears her throat and closes her eyes, nodding. “That’s correct,” she says, trying to look anywhere but the third row where she knows Harry is sitting. She can feel his eyes burning into her and if she looks at him, she’ll lose it and probably start to cry. She doesn’t think she’ll be able to sing if she starts crying.

As the music starts up Liam squares her shoulders and takes a deep breath. Her eyes flick to the back of the room as she sees the door open and stumbles over the first verse when Niall slips in the back. “Sorry, sorry,” she says as the piano dwindles off. “Can I start again?” she asks desperately and Michelle raises her eyebrows. “ _Please_ ,” she says and Michelle sighs, gesturing for her to begin again.

Liam opens her mouth, her eyes finding Niall’s at the back of the room and lets herself _feel_.

She thinks of Harry and the way his lips felt against hers a few weeks ago when he kissed her and told her that she’d always be his first proper love. She thinks about how she and Niall haven’t spoken for weeks and the fact that she probably deserves it because she slept with her friend’s boyfriend and she doesn’t think Harry has even told Niall about that yet, doesn’t know if he ever will and the guilt is almost too much for her to nurse for the rest of her life. She thinks about Louis and Zayn and how much it hurts to see the two of them so happy together when she knows she could have had that and she gave it all up to let someone else be happy because Liam is _always_ doing the right thing by other people, always letting others be happy and not herself and she just wants everything to work out for her for a change.

Harry is up out of his seat by the time Liam is finished with the first verse, standing by the side of the stage, waiting for her when she’s finished and she can’t even bring herself to look at him because she knows she’ll burst into tears. They haven’t spoken properly in weeks because Niall has been a constant presence tearing the two of them apart and Harry hasn’t seen her where she’s slipped in the back of the classroom but Liam almost chokes when she sees that Niall is crying, tears slipping from her eyes silently.

Liam finishes the song with a breath that she somehow wrenches in and then a sob that bursts out of her unexpectedly. Harry is on the stage before the last note has rung out and his arms are around her, cradling her to his chest as the class claps awkwardly for her, not sure how to act as she cries silently into Harry’s chest, while he whispers “I’m so sorry,” into her hair over and over again.

Liam looks up in time to see Niall smiling tightly at her from the back of the classroom. She looks upset, but she doesn’t look angry and Liam almost misses it when Niall winks at her and slips out the door. “What?” Harry says lowly, taking in Liam’s surprised look.

“Nothing,” she says and he smiles at her a little sadly, taking her hand and helping her off the makeshift stage.

“You okay?” he asks and Liam shrugs, reaching into her pocket when she feels her phone buzz in her pocket.

_he’s all yours babe, nialler x_

Liam looks up at Harry and smiles, leaning into his side. “I think I will be.”


End file.
